written on the 8th

What is it about life that gets you down? Well currently there are a few things that seem to be getting me down….for starters there is this guy who loves me and iono its just a weird type of thing….I used to care a lot about him but some bad things happened and iono hes really not my type to tell ya tha truth or so Iat least that’s what I think….but long story save it for another time….and the second thing that bothers me is the fact that I am a 22 year old single mother and I don’t have my child cuz its her daddys weekend and it is Saturday night and this whole weekend has officially sucked….I’ve managed to yet again sit at home all weekend cleaning and doin nothing on my free weekend when I should be out there livin it up but the whole weekend wasn’t a total waste but I’m not gonna go there I’m gonna complain about the fact that I suck….lol but what really tops the cake is I was really wanting to go to this wedding….a few weeks ago I bought this outfit that I was gonna wear to it well today I went and finished the outfit…..I spent $100.00 on shoes and accessories for this outfit…..I came back home and my crappy air conditioner was froze up so that killed that and plus I didn’t really want to show up by myself although I’m used to showing up by myself…but if you ask me when it comes to weddings you CAN’T show up by yourself….I mean come on everybody probably already knows your single and if you show up by yourself they will figure it out and seriously weddings is a couples type thing, unless you’re a bridesmaid, groomsman, or family member or a guy….but its different for girls especially if your friends of the groom….if nothing else you should at least show up with a friend….ya know that old saying always a bridesmaid never a bride??? I am that and to be quite honest with you I don’t have a problem with it…..I will probably never get married but that’s cool with me and I have my reasons….I’m not saying anything bad about it I’m just saying I have issues….I am like every other girl in the world….I can see myself in a beautiful wedding dress and all that crap so I guess I do wanna get married someday if I ever meet “the one“…..but if I were to ever get married I don’t ever want to get a divorce……I know that there isn’t anything wrong with that and I don’t have a problem with it…..but I just don’t want to make that mistake, so to speak…..I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life and I’ve fucked up A LOT and that’s one thing that I don’t want to fuck up…..I know that nobodys perfect and everybody fucks up but you don’t get it….I’m really GOOD at fuckin up and I try so hard not to….I want my wedding and my marriage to be like a fairy tale and I’m gonna try my hardest to make it that way…..and anything’s possible, right??? anyways…..don’t ya just love it when people ramble….lol….I guess you get the point….my life is miserable….I guess any man that reads this will say that’s your typical woman…..well I’m not typical….I’m so much more than that…..